I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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