Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
