your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
