I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
