Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
