How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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