Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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