We got so high we made milksteak
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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