wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
