Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize