it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
