I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
