one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
