Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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