Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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