I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
