If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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