i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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