he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
