the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
