Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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