We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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