Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
