IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
