Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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