I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
