Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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