I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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