I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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