i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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