you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize