I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
