Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
