Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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