It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
