Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
