i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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