My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
