I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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