that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
