I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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