Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
