I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
