dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
