Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
