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Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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