Your dad touched me again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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