As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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