this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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