I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
