WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
