Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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