Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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