$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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