You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You ruined the universe
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
