you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
