I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
