I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
