I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
