party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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