Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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