I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize