I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
