Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i now understand why vodka
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
