Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
