i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
