This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
