Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
