I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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