I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
