if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
