i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
