it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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