wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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